The Quantum Physics of Relationship

From where i’m standing tonight taking into consideration its elliptical orbit and factoring in the relative velocities of both the object and this point of reference the moon close to its Apogee is Three hundred eighty Seven thousand Nine hundred seventy-five kilometers away and will be farther away, by the time I finish this sentence but no matter… give me enough time, some training from NASA and a space shuttle and damn it I will conquer that distance. I will make that trip from point A to point B that chasm it does not seem unreasonable to me but metaphorical distances, but that’s where it gets tricky whats time is me is the tiny space between girl and friend. The temporal silence between the two words that’s barely detectable is enunciated properly a girlfriend versus a girl_.. friend that space. If you tweet it its one character, if you proofread it, It takes a single close up symbols to bridge those two words into one sit it out loud and barely a breath 0.062 to earth seconds. When I say it two millimeters and the words. If I type it in Times New Roman, 12 single space zoom 100%, but to me… that tiny space it spends universes and that nanoscopic break between I and F, I house all the parallel universes and possible timelines and scenarios that may be set off when I tell her I want to be more than friends and my minds, has spawned more worlds has been by the hobos eight-foot diameter concave primary mirror although Japanese vortex called anxiety in this state of superposition the statement all possible outcomes are still resting in the comforts of my apprehension it can be collapsed when I tell her I am in love with you, and those simple words they were triggered all the worlds to converge and form one reality a reality. I must live with they all, tell me! you should take the risk Go! for it bro but, but damn it this is our story if its one of love well that remains to be seen, but we are co-authors and I’m terrified to make us editorial decision and believe me, I crunched the numbers I cross-reference all the probabilities against existing databases or mostly romantic novels and chick flicks they ran all the simulation since wonderful App in my brain called being neurotic and overthinking and in that insignificant space between girl and friend there exists an element of a number of paradoxes between answers. Yes I am in love with you too and no its just me friends. No lets just be friends lets get this out of the way and that sting like a mother it’ll be awkward there are no video game check points in real life, we cannot just respond to our save point that seems convenient or as sort of the system the previous date when everything was fine there are things she can never unknown and cross the Rubicon the point of no return and there will be things. I can not only see through the rear view mirror I’ll never be that friend she takes shopping with here before a big day and I’ll hold your purse and stay next to a dressing room door, she tries on dress after dress, after dress, after dress, and every time, she comes out, shes going to ask me, how does it look? do you think he liked it? and that would be less than useless with my opinion, because I think, shes looks amazing in anything, and every time she goes in to try another, I’ll wait patiently for that dressing -room door to swing back open. I will be like an aged wanderer at dawn someone who’s seen the Sun go up and down countless times in his lifetime, but knows can never be prepared enough to see the beauty of another sunrise and I will never be that friend that she can talk about anything, and unfortunately the set of everything includes a subset boys and by boys, I mean all the a-holes that line up to break her heart to be fair… I’m not the most objective judge but she just wears her heart on her sleeve and pulls it out in the palms of her hands for the breaking and over the years I’ve seen that heart break far too many times to know I never want to see it again. I remember telling her the next guy who breaks her heart, well… I would break his face but the heart that knows multiple ways of breaking and I guess ruining a friendship by pushing it too far counts as one and last time. I checked I am a guy and this space has been seen, seen mixed reviews over the years but I, kind of like it its the only one I’ve got I guess, what I’m trying to say is a scariest part about crossing that chasm taking that tuber be a leap of faith is the metaphorical equivalent of a plummeting to your death is losing both the girl and a friend and to be frank. I’m not sure which is worse, if I’m being optimistic what if she say yes, yes I am in love with you too, yes I’m in love with you too, but maybe eight weeks later it all falls apart because young people they have a tendency to fuck up relationship especially me and she knows this about me, because shes the first person I run to whenever a relationship takes its natural catastrophic course and ends up shedding my heart into confetti, and they would admit to her fine baby maybe it was my fault and she’d be the first to tell me, what the hell dude why did you hurt her, she was the one then, she would punch me in my arm and it generally hurts, because this has happened far too many times and I’d care to admit shes got a lot of practice and a forum become so efficient she generates a lot of torque and it hurts she hits the same spot every single time, but that pain does not even compare to the pain for when she tells me what the hell dude, why did you hurt her? she was the one and I would look into her eyes see if she means is that there’s a ludicrous thought that she was not the one for me but the worst pain is any confirmation that its true so yes that’s fall in love and maybe this time it takes us eight years to realize that romance is governed by different dynamics and it all falls apart now we can’t even be in the same room and if there are 15 or more people so our contact would be limited to exclusively 30 seconds of small talk, shes going to catch me looking at her from across the room because my eyes naturally divert to her shes going to ask me how are you? I’m going to tell her… I’m good im fine doing great… I’m going to ask the same thing, shes going to say the same answer and that’s going to be that I would ask myself was it worth it? because now as friends words needn’t even be wasted in a spectrum of happy to sad I can tell you where she lands just by her shade of lipstick, how many times checks her phone in one minute, how much sugar she puts in her coffee the exact volume your car stereo the pitch /or laughter, how she wears her hair is the scrunchies and hair bun in a headband is worn out as a crow this braided all of which correspond to a specific mood, and all of which I love being her, and even if in some damn circumstance we are part. I can hear through her voice over the phone over the bad reception if there’s a slightest detection of even a slight a stammer or break make no mistake I will drive at 2 a.m. now break on speed limits on a job to where she is a stop by, a 7-eleven or for a tub of full fat vanilla ice scream and a cheap its been greedy and a box of Kleenex tissue I will ask her again how are you?… and shes going to pour her heart out to me and I’m gonna listen all night… she’d always told me.. thank you for being a good listener, but I haven’t told her is that listening to her is a privilege that thought.. that thought of never hearing her voice again had fortifies the walls in this gorgeous infinite universe. Inside my head what if we’d make it to eight years… make it to eight years.. one year after the itch, but still all falls apart under the stress of false expectations and resentment, maybe we were growing at two different paces. I’m not holding her back maybe the damage is irreparable and we’d have divide our circle of friend hemispheres, for convenience we’ll do it by gender then we’d have to lease our upper matching tattoos she always said she wanted to get one, she was too scared of the pain and I told her… if you’re ready I’ll be there with you to hold your hand… so she can squeeze it as hard as you can and I can share in your pain and we’d get cute little matching tattoos on the sides of our wrists one that says point A on my right hand the other says point B under her left so that at all the times you can draw an invisible line between point A and point B that stands for them at the meta-decimal gravitational waves. I throw my hand to hers, so that whenever the nexus of space and time the exact coordinates flare point B is in the universe that is where point a belongs and without point B, point A is more than for meaning, because in this universes of a trillion burning stars this hand convinced that the only source of source of warmth is her without point B point A is on more the bone evening. You know what? it romance is overrated and friendships are underrated I cannot risk overreaching so instead… I’ll sweep my feelings under the rug and over time, I feel like to fight the undertow the overwhelming Riptide of thoughts water and over her.. goddammit, I need to find a way to get over her this is much. I understand, I have to over power the violent bring of my heart, because under no circumstance, am I allowed to lose her? so what? maybe you wont be Monica and Chandler, or Rachel and Ross, will be Phoebe and Joey because Harry and Sally and Heathcliff and Cathy and Leonard and Penny I cant handle Celeste and Jesse I’m still not over Joe and Laurie, maybe you wont be Ted and Robin but its fine for naught Robin and Barney, maybe we’ll do what Margot and rich. You wanted originally and be secretly in love with each other and leave it at that because in all the parallel universe and possible timelines chains of events there’s even a slightest probability that I can lose her, but they can all see inside my head, I used to think they were prisoners promises of future spent together, I’ll toss is my fears a future spent apart now I’m beginning to think they’re enjoying their stay they’re developing sympathy for their captor syndrome karma. Stockholm being, Stockholm is a choice because I thought them that its dangerous to play outside, and the friend zone has become home the safe zone is hurt free zone and its confines and reconciled the thought that soulmates or under no obligation to fall in love will be. Will and Grace, will be Andie and Ducky, and Riley and Reid, will be Carrie Miranda Charlotte and Samantha, we each get to pick two will be piglet and pool will be c-3po and r2d2 be Kanye West, and Kanye West will be the best friends, because in that space and teen girl and friend.. that we buffering a big on paper, one character on twitter that’s where I store all my dread and doubts and anxieties worries now pretension interpretation, this may take a while so I’ll just send you a link to that thesaurus where I look up all the synonyms of fear, and I am a cowardly, cowardly man that tiny cushion is the the sole hedge against the fear of ever losing her and I cannot lose her cannot lose her maybe you were better off as friends, this way I can never lose her we’re better on my side right.. right but I guess? this way I dont get to have her to throw better off as friends. I’ll try to say without warble and stutter source imply sincerity for bet on his friends. I say again with race volume, I can convey.. convey convection it were better off as friends maybe if I can curse that offense I’m resolving urgency for better of his friends were better as friends its a man tribe and temporally chanting in my head that were better off, as I hammered at the thought without pause the rest were better off as a friends over and over without stopping for breath were better off as friends. I try to say to stubborn that a… inside my chest that were better off her friends God@#$% I saw her I’m trying my best. I’m better of his friends, I now stay with teeth and clenched in palms unpressed maybe this is for the best or better off as friends maybe this is good enough but just tell me this how many times do I have to repeat one life before I can start believing it.

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